Idk

Yes. I can sense that my biggest fear is going to happen. I can totally see where this leads me. That I’m gonna end up like her. I’m gonna end up feeling all sad and miserable here. I’m gonna cry often. I’m gonna spend my next four semester(s) with sadness and tears. I’m gonna suffer for the next two years. I’m gonna feel all alone and lonely all the time, and with my only friend’s leaving me, leaving the college, it would only make this worse. I’m gonna be real stressed, maybe I could even encounter deep depression. I’m gonna get judged and laughed all the time. I’m not gonna have friends at all. I’m gonna still be left and abandoned even when I tried to change myself and engage with them.

Many people said “face your own biggest fear”, but the thing is can I really do that? I don’t even know if I could face this biggest fear of mine. I don’t even know if I could handle or bear the pain from all this. But at least I can be certain of these things; maybe I was fated to be alone. Maybe I was fated to be an ultimate loner. Maybe I was fated to not be able to have friends, no matter how often and hard I’m trying to change and to interact with them. I gotta brace and prepare myself.

Maybe “having friends” just wasn’t for me.