One Direction - Hey Angel

[Verse 1: Harry]

Hey angel, do you know the reasons why

We look up to the sky?

Hey angel, do you look at us and laugh

When we hold on to the past? Hey angel

[Chorus: Louis]

Oh, I wish I could be more like you

Do you wish you could be more like me?

Oh, I wish I could be more like you

Do you wish you could be more like me?

[Verse 2: Harry]

Hey angel, tell me do you ever try

To come to the other side?

Hey angel

Tell me, do you ever cry when we waste away our lives?

[Chorus: Niall]

Oh, I wish I could be more like you

Do you wish you could be more like me?

Oh, I wish I could be more like you

Oh, I wish I could be more, I could be more, I could be more

[Bridge: Liam & Harry]

Yeah, I see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed

Backseat of my car, in the back of my head

I come alive when I hear your voice

It's a beautiful sound, it's a beautiful noise

I see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed

Backseat of my car, in the back of my head

I come alive when I hear your voice

It's a beautiful sound, it's a beautiful noise

Hey angel

Hey angel

Do you look up to the sky?

Do you look up to the sky?

[Chorus: All & Harry]

Oh, I wish I could be more like you

Do you wish you could be more like me?

Oh, I wish I could be more like you

Do you wish you could be more like me?

Hey angel

Hey angel

credit to Genius.com lyrics

2019

Alright, before I start, first let me take a deep breath.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

OK. Here we go.

In this occasion I'd like to tell you all a perfectly devastating story about one particular year, one year so unexpectedly horrifying. One year so goddamn pressuring that even just by looking back at it drained the fuck out of me. One year so horribly depressing that just by memorizing it made me feel extremely painful and uneasy. One year where I felt completely numb and worthless almost all of the time. One year that was such a massive, extreme downer–full of total failures, an awful lot of bad choices and wrong decisions, and a bunch of almosts that ended up to never happen. One year where I felt all of my struggles and efforts were worth nothing, totally meaningless. One year where I felt really abandoned, invisible, lonely and rejected all in one. One year where I felt that I actually reached the lowest point of possibly, my whole life. Not even in 2011 and 2012 where I got the worst class and classmates at grade 10. Not even in 2016, where I had to be in one class and put up with some of the absolute worst people in college. Not even in 2018, where I terribly struggled to finish my undergraduate thesis at my bad situation and condition that time. The only good months of this year were only January, February, March and maybe a little bit of October. The rest of it.....no words.

It started out alright, I felt like things were gonna be okay. I had fun on the first 3 months of the year. Then came the time where I got a job and instead of getting a memorable actual first job, it felt like a hellhole. Not long after that I quit and struggled to find another job, hoping that this time I would actually get a decent, suitable job with a more supportive and conducive work environment. I waited for so long, I applied to so many job vacancies but it always didn't seem to work and it eventually got me down. In times like this was where I felt highly devastated, frustrated, pressured, disappointed, stressed and drained out, and just feeling extremely low in general. I broke down and cried heavily so many times, feeling like a waste of space, like an absolute piece of shit.

When I finally got another job, turned out that it was the same situation I had with my first job. So again, I felt extremely awful and worthless. A couple of weeks after I got an invitation to work out of town and I felt relieved, I felt like I finally had hopes again. But when I actually started the job, I discovered that working out of town wasn't exactly better either. Instead it made me feel extremely empty and lonely, just awfully numb. So then again, after a couple of weeks I finally decided to get back and tried to, again, seek for a job here, but of course I failed over and over again even though I felt like I already gave a full on all out effort, really just the best of me, but still, it all seemed completely useless and meaningless.

So here I am right now, torn between feeling extremely traumatized, scared shitless towards the new year and having the faith to gather all crumbles and pieces and start over in 2020.

x

BTS - A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone

Lyric distribution : Jin, SUGA, J-Hope, RM, Jimin, V, Jungkook

ye shineun wae jakkuman
uril oerobge halkka oh no
ye sangcheotuseongiljirado
useul su isseo hamkkeramyeon
hollo geotneun i gire kkeute
mwoga itdeun bal didyeobollae
ttaeron jichigo apado
gwaenchana ni gyeochinikka
neowa na hamkkeramyeon
useul su isseunikka
nalgo shipeodo
naegen nalgaega eopji
But neoye geu soni nae nalgaega dwae
eodupgo oeroun geotteureun ijeobollae
neowa hamkke
i nalgaeneun apeumeseo dodanatjiman
bicheul hyanghan nalgaeya
himdeulgo apeudeorado
naragal su itdamyeon nal teya
deoneun duryeobji anke
nae soneul jabajullae
neowa na hamkkeramyeon
useul su isseunikkan
naega seontaekhan girigo
modu da naega mandeureonaen
unmyeongira haedo
naega jieun joeigo i modeun saengi
naega chireogal joetgapshil
ppunira haedo
neon gachi georeojwo
nawa gachi narajwo
haneul kkeutkkaji
son daheul su itdorok
ireoke apado
neowa na hamkkeramyeon
useul su isseunikka
Ayy I never walk alone
[JM/JK] jabeun neoye son neoye ongiga neukkyeojyeo
[V/JM] Ayy you never walk alone
nareul neukkyeobwa neodo honjaga aniya
Come on rock rock
Rock rock it like it like that
Baby walk walk walk
Walk it like it like that
Baby run run run
Run it like it like that
[V/JM] Baby fly fly fly
[V/JM] Fly it like it like that
i giri tto meolgo heomhaljirado
hamkke haejugetni
neomeojigo ttaeron dachiljirado
hamkke haejugetni
Ayy I never walk alone
neowa na hamkkeramyeon
useul su isseunikka
Ayy you never walk alone
neowa na hamkkeramyeon
useul su isseunikka
neowa na hamkkeramyeon
useul su isseunikka

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdPAIrzyQBI

elvita nurul

hai kak, apakabar?
udah lama gak ketemu ya
udah gak pernah smsan lagi, wa-an lagi, bercandaan lagi, ngobrol lagi, ngegaje lagi
kak, aku kangen banget sama kakak..
kakak kemana sih? kenapa gak pernah masuk kuliah lagi?? kok kakak gak pernah ngasih kabar???
aku kangen kak, di kampus jadi bener bener gak enak, gak asik, gak seru, gak kerasa apa apa lagi dan aku jadi kesepian soalnya gak ada kakak.. apa kakak masih sakit?? maag nya masih sering kambuh kah? udah jadi periksa lebih lanjut ke dokter belum kak?
dan kalo pun ternyata kakak emang udah ga kuliah di ub lagi, kok gak ngabarin aku sih kak? kenapa gak kasih tau aku?? kenapa gak kasih kabar sama sekali ke aku?
sure life is indeed mean, but it gets meaner without you, kak. im struggling and surviving alone here, dont you know? actually i need u the most kak especially in this kind of time, where everything gets tougher and tougher for me. if i go through all of this with you, sure it will still be tough but at least it will not feel so bad because i have you here with me. but you arent here with me anymore, so it feels so fucking bad kak, to have to go through all of this all alone, all by myself, and it gets / it feels worse and worse every single fucking day. where are you kak? why didnt you tell me whats up with you now? why did you never reply to my text again? did you forget me?
aku tau kakak gak akan baca tulisan ini,aku cuma pengen kakak tau bahwa dimanapun kakak sekarang, apapun yg kakak lakuin sekarang, aku selalu berharap dan berdoa yg terbaik buat kakak. aku tau kemungkinan besar pasti kakak udah lupa sama aku, kakak mungkin cuma nganggep aku sebagai 'another friend from that one time' tapi insya allah aku gak akan lupa sama kakak. aku selalu anggep kakak spesial,aku bahkan udah anggep kakak udah kayak kakak aku sendiri. makasih ya kak udah mau jadi sahabatku walau cuma 2 semester. makasih buat waktu yang udah kakak luangin buat aku, waktu waktu yang (buat aku) menyenangkan dan gak terlupakan selama kakak ada sama aku. makasih karena dulu kakak sering bgt nolongin aku kalo aku lagi ada kesulitan di kampus. aku minta maaf ya kak kalo selama kita barengan aku ada banyak salah sama kakak, aku masih perlu banyak memperbaiki diri.

akhir kata, sekali lagi, makasih banyak, kak.
semoga kakak lekas sembuh.

Idk

Yes. I can sense that my biggest fear is going to happen. I can totally see where this leads me. That I’m gonna end up like her. I’m gonna end up feeling all sad and miserable here. I’m gonna cry often. I’m gonna spend my next four semester(s) with sadness and tears. I’m gonna suffer for the next two years. I’m gonna feel all alone and lonely all the time, and with my only friend’s leaving me, leaving the college, it would only make this worse. I’m gonna be real stressed, maybe I could even encounter deep depression. I’m gonna get judged and laughed all the time. I’m not gonna have friends at all. I’m gonna still be left and abandoned even when I tried to change myself and engage with them.

Many people said “face your own biggest fear”, but the thing is can I really do that? I don’t even know if I could face this biggest fear of mine. I don’t even know if I could handle or bear the pain from all this. But at least I can be certain of these things; maybe I was fated to be alone. Maybe I was fated to be an ultimate loner. Maybe I was fated to not be able to have friends, no matter how often and hard I’m trying to change and to interact with them. I gotta brace and prepare myself.

Maybe “having friends” just wasn’t for me.

EXO - Overdose

[Sehun] Come in

[Baekhyun] Modeungeol geolgo neol deurikin nan
Ije dorikilsudo eopda
[D.O] Igeon bunmyeong wiheomhan jungdok
So bad no one can stop her

[All] Her love her love [SuHo] Ojik geugeotman bara
Geunyeoui sarang hanappuningeol
[Baekhyun] Chimyeongjeogin fantasy hwangholhan geu ane chwihae

[D.O] Oh she wants me~ oh she’s got me
[Baekhyun] oh~ she hurts me
Joha deouk galmanghago isseo

[All] Someone call the doctor nal butjapgo malhaejwo
Sarangeun gyeolguk jungdok overdose
Sigani jinalsurok tongjedo himdeureojyeo
Jeomjeom gipsugi ppajyeoganda
E~oh too much neoya your love igeon overdose
Too much neoya your love igeon overdose

[Baekhyun] Neoui geu geu sumgillo ono
Boineun neol galguhae jom deo
[SuHo] Gappajin sumeuro jilsikdoen hue
Jeonyul geurigo hansum

[All] Her love her love [Kai] Dokhangeot gata naegen
Heeonalsu eomneun ne sumi
[D.O] Pineun tteugeowojiji machi modu jibaehae

[Baekhyun] Oh she wants me~ oh she’s got me
[D.O] Oh she hurts me~
Gyesok neoman geurigo geurinda

[All] Someone call the doctor nal butjapgo malhaejwo
Sarangeun gyeolguk jungdok overdose
Sigani jinalsurok tongjedo himdeureojyeo
Jeomjeom gipsugi ppajyeoganda
E~oh too much neoya your love igeon overdose
Too much neoya your love igeon overdose

[SuHo] Modu da naege mureowa
[Baekhyun] naega byeonhangeot gatae
[SuHo] Simjange niga bakhyeobeorindeut
[Baekhyun] Sesangi ontong neoinde
[D.O] Meomchulsu eobseo imi gadeukhan neol
[Baekhyun] Jigeum i sungan you in my heart~

[Sehun] E X O

[Chanyeol] Nan neoreul matgo tto neoreul masinda
Nae simjangi tteollyeowa gyesok deurikyeodo ajik mojara yeah
Sonkkeutkkaji jeonyulsikin galjeung isunganeul jaba
Jiljureul meomchuji ma neomu joha can’’t stop it
[All] Hei dakteo~ [Sehun] jigeum idaero gajinanha
Juchehalsu eomneun ikkeullime neowa naega hana
[Kai] I neukkim eobsineun jugeungeona machangajingeol
Naega saneun iyu neoraneun dalkomhame jungdok

([Kai] Someone call the doctor)

[All] Someone call the doctor nan geunyeoreul pillyohae
Haeron botdan motdulsu eobseo ([D.O] Beotiji motei)
Motaebeoseonaji motaneun jungdokgateungeol
gin gin ibyeol jun dan eun nahwo
E~oh too much neoya your love igeon overdose
Too much neoya your love igeon overdose

credits to AZlyrics

Masa-masa SMA or High School Moments

Hai.

Masa-masa SMA.

Kadang, kalau kita mendengar kata ini, akan ada banyak pertanyaan muncul di benak kita.

Emang kayak gimana sih masa-masa SMA itu? Dimana sih enaknya masa SMA? Eh, emang bener ya masa-masa SMA itu bakal jadi masa-masa paling menyenangkan selama hidup kita?

Dan masih banyak pertanyaan-pertanyaan lain yang bakal muncul di kepala kita saat kita mendengar kata-kata 'Masa-masa SMA' ini.

Ada yang bilang masa-masa SMA itu masa-masa paling indah. Paling menyenangkan. Paling nggak bisa terlupakan. Bakalan jadi masa yang paling dikenang selama masa sekolah kita selama 3 jenjang. Cerita manisnya persahabatan, manisnya cinta/punya gebetan, manisnya punya pacar dan pacaran, bahkan sampai ke cerita yang paling pahit pun, bakal susah dilupain dan akan terus jadi bagian dari masa-masa SMA yang nano-nano ini. Tapi, jangan salah. Ada juga yang bilang masa-masa SMA itu justru masa yang paling buruk, karena, yah... Mungkin karena terlalu banyaknya tugas, terlalu susahnya pelajaran, guru-guru nyebelin, temen-temen yang juga nyebelin dan kebanyakan gaya, dan masih banyak hal lainnya yang membuat mereka berpikir kalo masa SMA ini masa paling buruk dan pengen secepetnya lulus biar bisa segera ninggalin masa-masa SMA ini.

Gue, secara pribadi, mungkin termasuk kategori ke dua ya.. Tapi, setelah gue pikir-pikir ulang, mungkin gue bisa jadi termasuk kategori pertama dan juga kategori ke dua. Jadi campuran. Karena apa? Karena oke, gue boleh jadi berpikir kalo SMA bener-bener ngebuat gue frustrasi karena tugas-tugasnya yang selalu numpuk, yang bahkan belum tentu bisa gue kerjain dengan baik, terus juga tingkat kerumitan pelajaran yg bener-bener tinggi, ditambah lagi disekolah gue emang (hehe) banyak banget guru-guru yg nyebelin dan temen-temen yg udah nyebelin, banyak gaya pula. Ini bener-bener ngasih tekanan ke gue banget. Tapi, gue selain mikir sisi buruknya, gue juga mikir sisi baiknya. Gue punya beberapa temen di SMA dan temen-temen ini tuh baik banget ke gue, selalu berusaha untuk bantu gue, mau kalo diajak belajar bareng, mau dengerin keluhan dan penumpahan kekesalan gue, dan lain-lainnya. Jadi, gue jadi mikir, kayaknya masa SMA gak seburuk itu. Karena, setiap hal yang kita pikir buruk buat kita, pasti selalu nyimpen satu kebaikan/satu sisi baiknya. Jadi, setiap hal yang kita pikir buruk itu gak selamanya sepenuhnya buruk, karena didalam sesuatu yang kita pikir buruk itu pasti selalu ada sisi baiknya.

Allah itu Maha Adil. Allah gak akan ngasih yang buruk terus-terusan buat kita. Allah itu sayang sama hamba-Nya, jadi pasti Allah selalu mau ngasih yang terbaik buat kita selama kita berdoa. Kalaupun kita berpikir kalo apa yang Allah kasih ke kita itu buruk, gue yakin itu cuma jalannya aja. Jadi, cuma jalan menuju hasilnya aja yang terlihat buruk sama kita, tapi pasti Allah bakal ngasih hasil yang lebih baik ke kita selama kita berdoa dan berusaha. Kalau pun emang semua yg ada/terjadi sekarang tetep terlihat buruk di mata kita, gue yakin, gak akan sepenuhnya sesuatu yg kita pikir buruk itu buruk, karena, kayak yg gue bilang tadi, Allah pasti bakal selalu menaruh satu sisi baik di setiap hal yang kita pikir bener-bener buruk. Dan mungkin kita gak akan langsung menemukan sisi baik itu, tapi kita harus mencari. Butuh waktu agak lama emang untuk nemuin sisi baik didalam sesuatu yg kita pikir buruk, tapi yakin deh, suatu saat, kita pasti akan ketemu sendiri sama sisi baik itu.

Oke, udahan dulu ya postingannya.. Ini sih menurut pendapat pribadi gue aja ya. Maaf kalo postingannya masih cacat (banget), karena gue emang cuma seorang cewek remaja yang masih perlu banyak belajar dan belajar lagi. See you in next posting.. BYE! :)